As a children's pastor I am realizing more and more that I must stay abreast or even ahead of the kid culture. I have to know what books, movies, songs, TV shows and websites my kids (the ones at church) are tuning into week in and week out. If I don't do this I won't be relevant. I won't be able to build friendships with them outside of the four walls of my church. Anytime I see one of the kids bring a new book or listening to their iPod in I'm typically moving closer to them trying to spark a conversation about what they're reading and listening to. I feel a natural responsibility to be informed as much as I can about these things so that I can inform parents and caretakers of children.
The most recent hubbub has been about The Hunger Games trilogy and subsequent movie. I'll admit, I am so late to this party it has pretty much ended and I'm just here to help put all the streamers in the trash bags. As I've heard and seen parents interacting with their children I've been struck with how strong the opinions have been on both sides, pro and con. I decided to read the trilogy set for myself and I went to see the movie as well. The following are not based solely on the Hunger Games but what I hope to be a holistic approach at kids and media. The debate about what should be read is as old as the printing press and it will continue on throughout eternity regardless of the media's form.
So, here are some guidelines that I have prayerfully considered and want to share with you regarding your child and media.
1. Checking It Out For Yourself
I can't tell you how important this first step is. Before you make a decision to ban a type of media or something specific like a book series, movie, TV show, or song watch it, read it, listen to it, view it yourself before you just make a rash decision based on hearsay and the latest article you read in a parenting magazine. If you're married, do this with your spouse so that you're both on the same page when you make a final decision about whether or not you will allow your child to read, view, or listen to something. If you're a single parent, I know that you don't have time to make dinner and get the kids to school much less read every book, watch every movie, and listen to every song they are interested in. I know this makes your job infinitely harder because you have so much on your plate already. Get with other godly, Christian couples and parents who you trust and already go to for advice with other parenting matters and discuss it together. If you don't have other godly Christian couples you can talk with then pray, use discernment, and seek out your pastors at church.
2. Balance and Christian Content
This is a tough one. Every parent has good intentions when making decisions about what their child can and can't read. Balance is so important in these decisions! To me, it is the key approach. Many parents I know have automatically ruled out the Hunger Games trilogy because of what they've heard in Christian circles but if their child brought home the book entitled The Roar by Emma Clayton, a book that is well written but has strikingly similar themes, they would never question it. Going further, how quick are you to strike out the Harry Potter series but never check on what websites your children are perusing on the home computer? Please know I am not attempting to defend these specific series in any way. I am only trying to show how important balance is. Don't spend all your time banning one specific thing in your house thinking you have it all covered when there is a big, gaping hole in three other areas. As long as we are on this Earth, you will never be able to keep 100% of media content Christian with your children. I would even go so far as to say that just because a book is labeled Christian, has a Christian author, or is sold at Lifeway you, as the parent, still need to check it out for yourself. There are scores of Christian kids books that are presenting false or blurry doctrine about numerous biblical topics. Not to mention that the Bible itself, especially the Old Testament, has pages upon pages of murder, adultery, thievery, greed, jealousy, and other lewd and crude acts. What Christian parent would hinder their child from wanting to read more of the Bible? None that I know. Reading about early Christian history will present your children with violence and gore and corrupt governments who killed innocent people. Just because its Christian doesn't mean it's made of and smells of roses. The key is not keeping these topics, ideas, and stories completely away from your children but striking an age appropriate balance to when and how they are introduced with your supervision.
3. Age and Individuality
I am an avid reader and I always have been since I was in second grade and my teacher read Ramona The Pest to us in class. From that time on, I began to read anything I was interested in and could get my hands on. I absolutely love to read. The benefits of reading has been studied and charted over and over again. As I was growing up, I had no real limits placed on me by my parents regarding media. I can not remember a time they ever banned a book, movie, or song from me regardless of the age limits, plot, subliminal messaging, and whatever else. I don't recommend this approach but I wanted to give you my background. I do not feel I was damaged by reading books that were above my grade level or watching movies that I was honestly too young to watch. Some of you who know me may feel otherwise and that is perfectly okay.
Ratings for movies and TV shows are government mandated. They are based on a rating scale, 1 point for every specific action, word, insinuation, sex, violence, etc., etc., etc. At the end the points are tallied up and then a rating is given based on the total points accrued. Books, websites, and songs are typically more free flowing. This is why checking it out for yourself is so important. You may have a 12, 10 and 8 year old who are at completely different places of maturity. The 10 year old may be able to appropriately handle a certain book series that the 12 year old couldn't have when they were 10. Every child is different just as every adult is different. Know your children and be involved.
4. Honest Conversations
Once you've made your decision, DISCUSS it with them. Don't just tell them "No, because I said so." Honestly have a discussion, not a one way talk. If you can give them the reason why you are saying no and do so in a loving way, they are much more likely to accept your decision. If you want them to be a little bit older before they dive in, tell them so. If you want to make a deal to read it with them chapter by chapter the following year, tell them so...and then stick with that decision. I recently talked with a parent who had chosen not to let her son read a specific book but then had no idea if that book was in their son's school library. I guaranteed her that it was. She called her son in to ask him and he confirmed that his school had several copies of the book. You won't always be able to have your children agree with your decision. However, from what I've seen the more you allow discussions and dialogue (where they listen to you and then you listen to them) to take place the greater the chance they will concede with your wishes when they are not in your presence. This of course is one of the first steps of moving into maturity and adulthood--if your children will stick with what you have taught them as they move further and further from your grasp and become more autonomous and independent.
Again, I'll admit I'm a little late to this conversation. I debated with myself for several months about even posting a blog about kids and media. It is what I call a loaded baked potato---everyone has their own flavors and toppings to add! I often thought it would simply create too much of a hassle to be so public with my opinions on this topic. However, I feel like the mindset of a Christian leader should never be to avoid topics that present a hassle but to openly and honestly discuss them with love and grace. Please know that my goal here is to only share my opinions and prayerful thoughts as I've mused over the whole subject matter for the past several weeks and months. My intentions are not to trick you, trap you, convict you, or change your opinions, theology, house rules or anything else. I am not an expert or a clinical psychologist. I am simply a Christian who follows Jesus by His grace.
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